My dad's irrational stubbornness to see me as what I am NOW, rather then how I was 9 years ago when I lived with my parents last is seriously PISSING me off.

I'm SO GLAD that I'm leaving for South Korea soon.
  • Current Mood
    Annoyed, frustrated


If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail, right?

Or not.

I PLANNED on going to FSU this Fall. I PLANNED on going there with Uma. I PLANNED on us both being able to live together and to continue our relationship. I PLANNED on being accepted by June at the LATEST since I had started my application process in April, and they got my transcripts around the 20th of May.


I got accepted last week.

Therefore there's NO TIME to pack, even if I was able to. You see, Uma can't get a transfer as a District Manager to the Tallahassee Democrat. It doesn't matter that he knows what he's doing, or that he's worked at the paper for over 5 years.

The best they could give him would be a route that would make $200 or at best, $300 a WEEK.

He makes $500 a week now. :(

There's NO WAY that without taking out some student loans would we be able to afford an apartment on the money a route plus Wendy's would bring in. :( !!

Not to mention the fact that Uma's never DONE anything else except the paper! He was at Subway for a week, but then he got fired over not washing some bread pans. He has no other experience!!

So I thought that since my health insurance runs out at the beginning of October that I would just go on ahead and maybe live in the dorm for those 4 months until Spring Semester. I was granted $2,775 for Fall Semester alone.
I also have Florida Prepaid which takes care of my tuition. And a Dorm contract that's good for 2 semesters.

So therefore, I'd only be gone for 4 months, and be able to finally get a new computer that I desperately need. (Right now I have a Dell that's 8 years old and is VERY temperamental.) Not only that, but I'd be able to use my financial aid to get my OWN insurance through Blue Cross via FSU. I'd also have money for food too. PLUS my Prepaid runs out in 2014, so even if I don't use all of my credits, they go bye-bye. /SIGH

Right now I feel extremely trapped and stifled.

Uma told me on Monday that the ring he was planning on getting me if I went away those 4 months would be a promise ring to him. But that he'd like it to be an engagement ring. He also told me that he wanted to marry me, and that he "couldn't imagine a day without me."

But I don't feel the same.

I mean, what? How could you not go a day without a person? I'm fine going without him for a week at a time. I mean, I miss him, but it's not BAD. Maybe it's because he's the 6th boyfriend I've ever had, and I'm only his 2nd. His first gf was only with him for a couple of months, and was just using him. Uma and I've been together for over 4 years!

And how do you "know" that the person's the right one for you? Is it some magical, mystical feeling that you get? Is it a beam of light from the heavens?

People ask me if I "love" him.

Well, I don't know. I CARE for him, deeply. But could I "imagine" myself with someone else? -Yes. I haven't met that person that I know of, but I "could." (Maybe my Japanese ex, Yamato, ,lollollol.)

All I want to do right now is GET AWAY from Uma and have some FREEDOM. I want to get off my anti-depressant since right now all I feel is F_L_A_T____ except for extreme emotions. Hell, I can't even CRY when I want to! >ARGH!<
Maybe then I'd be able to figure out my "true feelings" about him. He knows that I don't feel about him the way he feels about me, and sometimes I feel really guilty. :((

I HAD called the dorm people, but they said that they were all filled. I'm going to try again tomorrow, anyways, and if not, then I'm going to try this apartment complex that accepts Prepaid. However, I think I might have to live there for a year......not sure. :(

I just know that I've *FINALLY* gotten my A.A. after 7 years, and that I want to be where I'm SUPPOSED to be; at college, with people my OWN AGE; not young high school kids or really old managers. :( I'd really like to make more than minimum wage after 1 1/2 years... T-T

I just really don't know what to do. I'm burned out. :(
And who's to say that Uma would even be ABLE to get a decent job over there, if not at the newspaper. :( If I was to go off on my own, and him come later, there might not be any point to us staying together if he can't get a job. :(

I have no more energy left for this. I just want to collapse in a heap and curl into a ball and cry until I have nothing left.
  • Current Music
    "Until the tears turn into a rainbow" by e.m.u.
  • Tags

Tired and a little bummed

I haven't updated here in a LONG time. I usually just do status updates on Facebook. But anyways;

1)GameStop let me go, which I was expecting, but it was still sad.

2) My new Wendy's gives me mad hours. I get one day off a week.

3) Uma and I don't spend any time together anymore. That's what I'm bummed about. Since I work closing at Wendy's (5-?), I don't usually get up until around 3pm. Uma gets home around 1 pm or so, and then is GLUED to his computer for the next 6 HOURS or so, playing League of Legends (LoL) with his online friends. I then leave for work around 4:15 so I have time to eat, and Uma goes to bed around 8-9pm, usually. I don't get home until at least 11:30, sometimes MUCH later. (And repeat.)

It's gotten so bad that even on my one DAMN DAY OFF (Thursday) that he's STILL playing LoL instead of spending the day with me. You'd think that he could spend ONE day with me, but I guess not. :(

He even forgets to greet me or say "Good Morning" or "Hi" when I come into the computer room to check my e-mail. He's too involved with LoL. :(

I feel like the only person around here that even pays any attention to me is THE CAT. She follows me around, and always tries to bat at the cursor on the computer screen and/or sleeps on my desk while I'm at the computer.


There's supposed to be more of a cut on hours since 150+ people lost their jobs at Kennedy Space Center today so my boss, Wendy, typed up a whole letter about it, and how she expects less business because of it.

Maybe I'm typing all of this too soon. Maybe I'll actually end up with LESS hours next week. Dunno. I'm apparently one of her "favorites" since I'm pretty much THE BEST cashier she's got. :)

Who knows. I just know that I feel neglected by Uma and I'm tired. I'll probably do a load of laundry before I go to bed since my uniform needs to be washed. It stinks. >.<;

Bye for now~
  • Current Music
    "It's Gonna Be Okay" (DJ Epic)
  • Tags

(no subject)

I'm going to bed soon, but I just wanted to do a quick update.

Yesterday I went to Orlando and met up with my friend Kristi. Unfortunately I spent like, $50s there on food and clothes so I'm super-poor now. T-T
I had a really good time, though.

Today I worked at GameStop from 3-9. It was actually a fairly good day. I got a subscription, and got some reserves so it was satisfying. ^-^

Unfortunately, tomorrow/Tuesday I HAVE to CRAM Logarithms before my quiz tonight. I have like, HALF the section assigned for homework. T-T (And I didn't understand ANY of it in class....)

Wendy's FUCKED ME over AGAIN. Besides LAST WEEK'S fiasco of her "forgetting" to put me on the schedule, THIS week, she only put me on for ONE day.


So I have a total of 5 1/2 hours from Wendy's this week.


So far nothing has been granted off my Christmas Wish List.
-Still at Wendy's. My car has like over 9,000 things that need to be done to it, but with 5 hours at Wendy's, and 6 at GameStop, nothing's going to be done ANY time soon.
Maybe with my tax refund.
All I can do is hope and pray that I get a new job. -One that I can actually pay the rent with, and have money left over so that I can get my car maintenance done on it. T-T

I feel so frustrated and hopeless.


Going to bed now.
  • Current Mood
    listless listless

(no subject)

by: jupiterhime, stolen from lostinhersong

Step One

- Make a post (public, friends locked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ(( *--or DA). The post should contain your list of 5 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Harry/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
- If you wish for real-life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

Step Two

- Surf around your friends list (or friend’s friends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.
- You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not - it's your call.
- There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

The List

*A laptop. Preferably pink. I *really* want the Sony Vaio one that's in Cosmopolitan Pink, but I *HIGHLY* doubt that my parents would get it for me since it's so expensive. T-T

*My Fashion Bug card taken care of. T-T

*For one of the places that I applied for the call me back about a full-time job. (I want to get the HELL out of Wendy's. I'm so sick of the bullshit and broken promises.)

*A new mirror for my driver's side; including a matching paint job.

*Work done on my car; power steering fluid/flush/whatever it was, and whatever else needed.

*A Christmas card from a friend.

*A new winter coat. I've been wearing the same trenchcoat for 8+ years now, and it's not really made for below 50. So I'm always cold if I don't wear a hoodie underneath or a sweater; which sucks 'cause then the arms are REALLY tight. T-T I'm eyeballing two different coats on, but I can't decide.

*To find my favorite knit black hat (In my car??). It was AWESOME during the winter; I could pull it down over my ears, and it had enough room that I could wear my hair up in Hairagami and still cover it.

*These pink rose earrings:

*To see Michi and Ruka (sometime); whether I drove or took Greyhound.

*A pair of the UGG Adirondack boots in BLACK, size 11.

(no subject)

Just want to say that Michi and Ruka;
even though I hardly ever update and I'm not on LJ a lot, I always read your blogs and I'm always thinking of you two. <3


Iz dying.
Like a dumbass I decided to wait until the last minute to write my LAST 2 (^-^) research papers the day before.
Okay, sounds good, right?

Until I see that instead of them only being 500 words like the LAST 4, they're.....1,000 words. -EACH.

I've been working on my Great Fire of London in 1666 since about 5:00 on Tuesday.... T-T

I'm getting near the end but I've hit a roadblock!
And they were due TODAY at the beginning of class at 6!  /CRY~

The other one is on Galileo and the Church in the 17th Century.....which I haven't even started.... T-T


Fuck them!

Hey everyone. I'm just writing about something that's been bothering me since this past Wednesday.

That previous Monday, I had gone to see "Dear John" with a co-worker. We went to Chili's for dinner and then she used her Loyalty points to get us both tickets. Now, I haven't been out ANYWHERE with a co-worker since 2, maybe 3 years ago so I was excited. I've been kinda getting lonely again lately so I was really happy to have someone to talk to who lived nearby. We had a good time and I thought we were well on the way to becoming friends, but after Wednesday happened that was shattered and thrown in my face.

After the movies, the next time I worked was this past Wednesday. Rachel and her friend Sylteria were on sandwiches and I was at my usual spot.

Everything seemed normally busy and then we got SLAMMED. I mean, SLAMMED. I was on fries again and some jack-assed black guy comes up and decides to order $86 worth of food.


His list included:

15 sm. chili
1 lg. chili w/cheese
20 double stacks
16 5-piece chicken nuggets
15 value fries
3 large drinks

Now, this wouldn't have been so bad if the inconsiderate ASSHOLE had CALLED ahead of time!
Thank GOD he didn't go through the drive-thru, lol.

So luckily Rachel (drive-thru) and Sylteria (inside sandwiches) were able to split the order but I had to put down a LOT of extra food and fries to be able to fill the order.

About 30 minutes after that guy left it got busy again and I got really stressed since when I was transferring the Crispy Chicken patties into the drawer for the inside, the tray slipped and 2 of the 6 patties went -SPLAT!- into the ketchup. So that just irritated me even further.

(Side note: Ever since I started working there, I've had a problem with Syn (Sylteria) being in my way and getting huffy when I have to slide past her to deliver food/get ice to front counter. Whoever designed the aisle with the fryers and front sandwich station MUST have been a man because it's seriously about 4 1/2 feet wide which is TOTALLY too small when you take into account my fat butt and other peoples' fat butts too. It can get really hectic. Anyways, she always gets huffy because apparently I don't say "EXCUSE ME" loud enough for her to hear and she always goes off on me. >.<+ )

Well, right before the next rush, Miss Debbie (mgr) asks me to get ice for Miss Rose old register. She is COMPLETELY out so it's critical that I fill the machine up. When I was almost done it started getting busy again so the faster that I filled it then the sooner I could get back to my station. Since I wasn't at my station, Miss Rose was over at the fry station getting fries that she needed for her orders and Syn was behind her making sandwiches. I said, "Excuse me." and pushed through. Apparently I wasn't loud enough 'cause Syn got pissy.

FF >>] to when Syn was on register and Miss Rose was on break. The fry person's job is to (as much as they can) make the orders minus the salads and sandwiches for the front, but ESPECIALLY for the Drive-Thru. The Drive-Thru takes priority.

Anyways, I got REALLY busy on drive-thru orders for fries and nuggets and when I portioned out a small fry for inside, I didn't put it on a tray. I left it in the holding spot on my station. I had taken a quick glance to where the trays were kept underneath the counter and I didn't see any so that's why I left the fry on my station instead of putting it on the tray.

Sylteria gets mad and goes, "Amanda! Why didn't you put it on the tray?!"
And I go, "Oh M' GOD, there weren't any trays there!"
And she goes, "Oh M' GOD YES THERE ARE!"
And I go, "Oh M'GOD, well I didn't see any! Why didn't you just put it on the tray yourself?!"
And she goes, "OH M'GOD, OH M'GOD OH M'GOD! It's YOUR JOB!"

And then later on in the day she's all like, "Yeah, I do my job, I TRY to be a TEAM PLAYER."

And when I was eating after work she goes to tell Ms. Rose (this old lady who everybody loves and who's worked at Wendy's for like, 10 years, "Yeah, and Amanda didn't do her job! Blah blah blah!" And RACHEL (the girl that I had hung out with and thought that we were going to be friends) THROWS her arms around Sylteria, comforting her.

I didn't say anything, just rolled my eyes as I threw out my trash and didn't confront them, though I know if I had, it would have turned into some kind of Black Drama Fest.

Later on that night, I got a text from Rachel:

R: Delete me from your phn! Thanks

Me: Okaaay, but why? :(

R: I don't want anything to do with you anymore!!! You get in a fight with my girl, in there is a list, but just delete me!!! In don't talk to me at work anymore

R: Either I don't want to be your friend anymore sylteria is my sister in your we are a family in you fought with her today was stupid just cause you couldn't put a fry on the tray

Me: Honestly, when I looked, I didn't see a tray there when I looked over or I definitely would have put it on there. When I didn't see one I just kept it on my station so it wouldn't get cold. I figured that Syn would put it on a tray when one came available since Miss Rose does. I'm sorry that I upset her but please remember that we were all under a lot of stress today. I'll respect your wishes and delete your number, though.

R: We were not under stress girl, today was like no ever day, you do your job, and get paid that is why you have a job, but you are lazy it is fry person To get the chicken when it get off in you wouldn't yeah it might burn you our you will get hurt buy we all have getting burned there I have A lot I am accident prono

(That last part referred to me taking "a long time" getting the spicy and homestyle chicken out of the deep fryer (Henny Penny). I've never been actually "taught" how and when to open it since it's a friggin' pressure cooker and I've already got a burn scar from the *last* time I opened it.

But yeah, that's it. That's the convo. Uma was there and I read it to him and I cried pretty hard for a while. I thought that maybe I could *finally* have a friend to hang out with (it's been so long...) and now I got stabbed in the back and my heart ripped out. T-T
I've still been upset since then and I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. Sylteria is friends with Rachel, Passion, Antoine and she's in good favor with the managers. She's been there for a long time and is a good worker. Contrast that with me who hasn't been there that long. Sylteria will get the benefit of the doubt and if someone says that they don't want to work with someone else, or can't work/get along with them then that person's hours will be cut. I'm ALREADY only getting 8 hours (if that) a week and supposedly there's a list of 3 people who are going to get fired. Applications come in every day, and it's gotten EVEN HARDER to get a job in Palm Bay. The jobs JUST AREN'T THERE!

So I'm really scared and anxious and nervous about what bullshit's going to go down tomorrow.
I just hope that I don't get fired...

(no subject)

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? Yeah, with the Uma.
02) What was your dream growing up? Hmm...I think that I wanted to be a teacher...
03) What talent do you wish you had? I wish that I could eat whatever I wanted and not get fat! XP
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be? A Coke or Pepsi, please!
05) Favorite vegetable? Broccoli
06) What was the last book you read? New Moon (Twilight Saga)
07) What zodiac sign are you? Sagittarius
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where. I have one piercing in each ear lobe, and another in my left cartilage.
09) Worst Habit? Procrastinating.
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? Sure! ^-^
11) What is your favorite sport? Frisbee/Soccer/Basketball. I like all three!
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude? Probably pessimistic.
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Most likely talk about Sailor Moon or makeup.
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? Geez. This is a toughie. Probably the moment of despair I felt when my (now) ex broke up with me and I cut my arm; the same year I lost my job, apartment, my mom, and my car getting hit by a dumptruck.
15) Tell me one weird fact about you. My left ear is 1/2 inch higher than my right.
16) Do you have any pets? My boyfriend, the "Uma."
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly? That would be awesome! Did you bring 'Ruka too? <3
18) What was your first impression of me? Smart, sweet and sophisticated.
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Super-creeeeepy!
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? I'd get rid of my fat stomach and thighs. >.<;
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? Depending on the crime, it'd probably vary.
22) What color eyes do you have? Green! <3
23) Ever been arrested? Nope.
24) Bottle or can soda? Probably bottled.
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? Go to Japan and get lots of SM stuff!(And go on Nutrisystem.)
26) What's your favorite place to hang out at? Right now? Hmm...Orlando, definitely.
27) Do you believe in ghosts? Yes.
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Listen to music, read, sew, eat the Uma, search for SM stuff online. ^-^
29) Do you swear a lot? Sometimes. (Fuck Wendy's!)
30) Biggest pet peeve? People who go slow in the fast lane.
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself? Smart
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance? I love romance, but Uma is so very rarely romantic... *sigh* T-T
33) Favorite and least favorite food? Favorite: tie between chicken teriyaki and bacon cheeseburgers. Least favorite: anything cherry-flavored. >.<;
34) Do you believe in God? Yes, I believe in a "higher power."
35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? Sure, why not? ^-^
  • Current Music
    "Major Tom" by Shiny Toy Guns